


Nails

by Pypera



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 13:59:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10595460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pypera/pseuds/Pypera
Summary: Truly, the eleventh reason why is Hannah.A 5+1 about Clay and Hannah.





	

**#1 - Nails**

“I like your nails,” says Clay, meeting Hannah’s eyes as he approaches her locker.

“Thanks,” she replies, running her fingers through her hair.

Clay shifts his eyes to look at the bustling throng of students en route to their next class when she says nothing further.

“See you around?” says Clay.

“Sure,” replies Hannah, watching Clay walk away.

She wonders what he’ll think of her nail polish when he realizes she used it as ink for her suicide tapes. It’s a no-name brand. Her parents’ store couldn’t afford to even get the normal drug store brands. It cracks easily, and dries too fast. It made it hard to apply to her nails, but easy to write with. She wonders whether it’ll hold up on the cheap plastic of her tapes.

She wonders about a lot of things these days.

She wonders a lot about Clay.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**#2 - Parties**

Clay and Hannah start like this: two kids at a party, casting furtive glances at one another. They don’t know it yet, but most of their pivotal moments will be like this: at a party, out of their comfort zones, and desperate to connect with one another. They’ll spend most of their time thinking it comes easy for the other; the conversation, school… making friends.

Kat comes around, and she’s all laughs and light-hearted mocking. She breaks the ice, and it’s a moment that seems like it’ll last forever. Three friends, young, and enjoying _being_ young.

Clay and Hannah end like this: two kids at a party, one desperately looking at the other, and one desperately looking away. One feels young and inexperienced, the other an old dishrag - ready to be thrown away. They don’t know it yet, or perhaps one of them does, but they only have a handful of moments left with one another - but none will be like this. None will be as raw, as real.

When Hannah lists Clay as her eleventh reason, it’s because she can’t deliver her suicide tapes to herself. Truly, the eleventh reason why is Hannah.

Or perhaps the first reason is Hannah.

It’s hard to say.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**#3 - Rumors**

Before they meet, Kat tells Hannah about Clay.

“He’s had it rough,” she says.

“What do you mean?” asks Hannah.

“Kids at school spread a lot of rumors about him. Said he was gay. He doesn’t have too many friends because of it. He used to be kinda close with this one girl – Skye. She’s that kinda weird girl we saw working at Monet’s yesterday.” She pauses, waiting for Hannah to nod in recognition. “He’s always been kinda closed off, but he like didn’t talk to anyone after that. Stopped talking to Skye; to everyone. He was even medicated. I think his parents were worried he might kill himself.”

“Over rumors?” Says Hannah, surprised.

“Yeah.”

Hannah looks back at the moment, and remembers that there was a time she was unaware how low rumors could bring someone.

Sticks and stones.

She starts recording her thirteenth tape.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**#4 - Jeff**

She wonders about the rumors kids started about Clay when she sees him with Jeff.

Clay and Jeff are the odd couple. Two kids that shouldn’t be friends, but are.

She wonders right up until she sees Jeff mouth “go talk to her,” to Clay, with a nod in her direction.

She smiles and looks away.

She doesn’t wonder about this part of Clay anymore.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**#5 - Nerds**

As the days creep closer to the opening of the new Star Wars movie, it seems like it’s all Clay can talk about. His excited chatter is the warm backdrop to an otherwise stressful day.

“You must win the hearts of all the girls at school with your Star Trek knowledge, Helmet,” she says, grinning.

He splutters, “It’s Star Wars!”

She laughs. She doesn’t need to wonder who the biggest nerd of the two is.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**+1 – An Hour**

There will come a day, weeks after she’s gone, where Clay will scream that Hannah is dead because he was afraid to love her.

She won’t know it of course, but if she did, she’d tell him it was because she wasn’t worth his love.

But she can’t argue with him, she can’t comfort him. She can’t tell him anything anymore.

Because she’s dead, and the dead tell no tales. They can only leave behind messages. Perhaps the message she leaves behind is longer than most, but it’s frozen. Unchanging.

The people it reach have already changed. They’ll continue to grow and change. Ways in which she won’t expect.

Clay will change.

But Hannah can’t wonder about how Clay will change.

Hannah can’t wonder about anything anymore.

Clay will continue to wonder about Hannah. But day by day, week by week, month by month, he’ll wonder less and less. He’ll learn to move on, to grow from the mistakes he made in high school.

But as years pass, what Clay will wonder most about Hannah is this: what would have happened if he stayed that night at the party? Just even for an hour more? What would it have been like to grow alongside Hannah, instead of growing up because of her?

 


End file.
